How To Get Courage To Commit Suicide

This happy-looking shot was taken in 1999, when I almost destroyed myself.

In this post, I'one thousand going to talk about suicide, and why I'g nonetheless on this planet.

These are stories I've kept cloak-and-dagger from my family unit, girlfriends, and closest friends for years. Recently, however, I had an experience that shook me — woke me up — and I decided that information technology was time to share it all.

And then, despite the shame I might feel, the fear that is making my palms sweat as I type this, let me to become started.

Here nosotros go…

A TWIST OF FATE

"Could you please sign this for my brother? It would mean a lot to him."

He was a kind fan. There were perhaps a dozen people around me asking questions, and he had politely waited his turn. The ask: A simple signature.

It was Friday night, around 7pm, and a live recording of the TWiST podcast had just ended. There was electricity in the air. Jason Calacanis, the host and interviewer, sure knows how to put on a testify. He'd hyped up the oversupply and kept things rolling for more than 2 hours on stage, asking me every imaginable question. The venue–Pivotal Labs' offices in downtown SF–had been packed to capacity. Now, more than than 200 people were milling about, drinking vino, or heading off for their weekends.

A scattering of attendees gathered near the mics for pics and book inscriptions.

"Anything in particular you'd like me to say to him? To your brother?" I asked this one gent, who was immaculately dressed in a conform. His name was Silas.

He froze for few seconds but kept eye contact. I saw his eyes flutter. There was something unusual that I couldn't put a finger on.

I decided to take the force per unit area off: "I'm sure I can come with something. Are you cool with that?" Silas nodded.

I wrote a few lines, added a smiley face, signed the book he'd brought, and handed it back. He thanked me and backed out of the crowd. I waived and returned to chatting with the others.

Roughly xxx minutes later, I had to run. My girlfriend had just landed at SFO and I needed to run across her for dinner. I started walking towards the elevators.

"Alibi me, Tim?" It was Silas. He'd been waiting for me. "Can I talk to y'all for a second?"

"Sure," I said, "only walk with me."

We meandered around tables and desks to the relative privacy of the lift foyer, and I striking the Downwardly button. As soon as Silas started his story, I forgot almost the elevator.

He apologized for freezing earlier, for not having an answer. His younger brother–the ane I signed the book for–had recently committed suicide. He was 22.

"He looked up to you," Silas explained, "He loved listening to you and Joe Rogan. I wanted to get your signature for him. I'grand going to put this in his room." He gestured to the volume. I could run into tears welling upwardly in his eyes, and I felt my own doing the same. He connected.

"People listen to you lot. Have you always thought almost talking virtually these things? Virtually suicide or depression? You lot might be able to relieve someone." Now, it was my turn to stare at him blankly. I didn't know what to say.

I too didn't have an alibi. Unbeknownst to him, I had every reason to talk almost suicide. I'd only skimmed the surface with a few brusk posts about depression.

Some of my closest loftier schoolhouse friends killed themselves.

Some of my closest college friends killed themselves.

I almost killed myself.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," I said to Silas. I wondered if he'd waited more than than 3 hours merely to tell me this. I suspected he had. Proficient for him. He had bigger balls than I. Certainly, I'd failed his brother past existence such a coward in my writing. How many others had I failed? These questions swam in my mind.

"I volition write about this" I said to Silas, awkwardly patting his shoulder. I was thrown off. "I promise."

And with that, I got into the elevator.

INTO THE DARKNESS

"They tried to bury usa. They didn't know we were seeds."

– Mexican proverb

In that location are some secrets we don't share because they're embarrassing.

Like that fourth dimension I met an icon by accidentally hitting on his girlfriend at a java shop? That'due south a good one (Deplorable, N!). Or the time a glory panelist borrowed my laptop to project a dull corporate video, and a flicker of porn popped up–a la Fight Society–in forepart of a oversupply of 400 people? Some other good example.

Just then there are dark secrets. The things we tell no 1. The shadows we keep covered for fear of unraveling our lives.

For me, 1999 was full of shadows.

So much then that I never wanted to revisit them.

I hadn't talked about this traumatic period publicly until last week, first in a reddit AMA (Ask Me Annihilation), then in greater depth on Derek Halpern'south podcast.

What follows is the sequence of my downward spiral.

Reading the beneath, information technology's incredible how lilliputian some of it seems in retrospect. At the time, though, it was the perfect storm.

I include wording like "impossible state of affairs," which was cogitating of my thinking at the time, not objective reality.

I nonetheless vividly retrieve these events, only any quotes are paraphrased. Please likewise alibi any grammatical/tense errors, as information technology was hard for me to put this downward. So, starting where it began…

• It'southward my senior year at Princeton. I'm slated to graduate around June of 1999. Somewhere in the beginning six months, several things happen in the bridge of a few weeks:

• I fail to make it to final interviews for McKinsey Consulting and Trilogy Software, in addition to others. I take no idea what I'chiliad doing wrong, and I start losing conviction afterward "winning" in the game of academics for so long.

• A long-term (for a college kid, anyway) girlfriend breaks upwardly with me shortly thereafter. Not because of the job stuff, merely because I became more insecure during that menstruum, wanted more time with her, and was massively disruptive to her final varsity sports season. What's wrong with me?

• I accept a fateful meeting with 1 of my thesis advisors in the Eastward Asian Studies section. Having read a partial typhoon of my work, he presents a big stack of original research in Japanese for me to contain. I walk out with my head spinning — how am I going to finish this thesis (which by and large run 60-100 pages or more) before graduation? What am I going to do?

It's important to notation that at Princeton, the senior thesis is largely viewed every bit the pinnacle of your 4-year undergrad career. That's reflected in its grading. The thesis is often worth effectually 25% of your entire departmental GPA (English section example here).

Afterward all of the above, things continued as follows…

• I find a rescue option! In the course of researching language learning for the thesis, I'm introduced to a wonderful PhD who works at Berlitz International. Bernie was his name. Nosotros accept a late dinner one night on Witherspoon Street in Princeton. He speaks multiple languages and is a nerd, just like me. One hour turns into two, which turns into iii. At the end, he says, "You know, information technology's too bad you're graduating in a few months. I accept a project that would be perfect for you, but it's starting sooner." This could exist exactly the solution I'm looking for!

• I chat with my parents about potentially taking a twelvemonth off, first in the eye of my senior twelvemonth. This would allow me time to finish and smooth the thesis, while simultaneously testing jobs in the "real world." It seems like a huge win-win, and my parents— to their credit —are hugely supportive.

• The Princeton powers OK the idea, and I meet with the aforementioned thesis advisor to inform him of my decision. Instead of being happy that I'm taking time to get the thesis correct (what I expected), he seems furious: "And then you're just going to quit?! To cop out?! This better exist the best thesis I've ever seen in my life." In my stressed out state, and in the exchange that follows, I hear a series of thinly veiled threats and ultimatums… but no professor would really do that, right? The meeting ends with a dismissive laugh and a curt "Good luck." I'one thousand crushed and wander out in a daze.

• Once I've regained my composure, my shock turns to anger. How could a thesis advisor threaten a pupil with a bad grade only because they're taking time off? I knew my thesis wouldn't be "the all-time thesis" he'd ever seen, so it was practically a guarantee of a bad class, even if I did a great chore. This would be obvious to anyone, right?

• I meet with multiple people in the Princeton administration, and the response is — just put — "He wouldn't do that." I'm speechless. Am I being called a liar? Why would I prevarication? What was my incentive? It seemed like no ane was willing to rock the gunkhole with a senior (I recall tenured) professor. I'grand speechless and experience betrayed. Faculty politics affair more than I practice.

• I get out my friends behind at school and move off campus to work — I find out remotely — for Berlitz. "Remote" ways I stop up working at home by myself. This is a recipe for disaster. The piece of work is rewarding, simply I spend all of my not-work time — from when I wake to when I go to bed — looking at hundreds of pages of thesis notes and research spread out on my sleeping room floor. It's an uncontainable mess.

• After 2-3 months of attempting to incorporate my advisor's original-language Japanese research, the thesis is a disaster. Despite (or mayhap because of) staring at newspaper alone for 8-xvi hours a day, it'southward a Frankenstein's monster of false starts, dead ends, and research that shouldn't be there in the first place. Totally unusable. I am, without a doubt, in worse shape than when I left schoolhouse.

• My friends are graduating, celebrating, and leaving Princeton behind. I am sitting in a condo off campus, trapped in an impossible situation. My thesis work is going nowhere, and even if it turns out spectacular, I have (in my mind) a vindictive advisor who's going to burn me. By burning me, he'll destroy everything I've sacrificed for since loftier school: neat grades in high schoolhouse got me to Princeton, bully grades in Princeton should become me to a dream job, etc. By burning me, he'll make Princeton's astronomical tuition wasted coin, zippo more than a minor fortune my family has pissed abroad. I starting time sleeping in until two or 3pm. I tin't face the piles of unfinished work surrounding me. My coping mechanism is to comprehend myself in sheets, minimize time awake, and hope for a miracle.

• No miracle arrives. Then 1 afternoon, as I'm wandering through a Barnes and Noble with no goal in particular, I run a risk upon a book about suicide. Right there in front of me on a display table. Perhaps this is the "phenomenon"? I sit downwards and read the entire book, taking copious notes into a periodical, including other books listed in the bibliography. For the first time in ages, I'thou excited nigh enquiry. In a sea of dubiousness and hopeless situations, I feel like I've found hope: the final solution.

• I return to Princeton campus. This time, I get directly to Firestone Library to bank check out all of the suicide-related books on my to-do list. 1 particularly promising-sounding title is out, so I reserve information technology. I'll be next in line when it comes dorsum. I wonder what poor bastard is reading it, and if they'll be able to return it.

• Information technology's important to mention hither that, by this point, I was past deciding. The decision was obvious to me. I'd somehow failed, painted myself into this ridiculous corner, wasted a fortune on a school that didn't care nigh me, and what would be the point of doing otherwise? To repeat these types of mistakes forever? To be a hopeless burden to myself and my family and friends? Fuck that. The world was better off without a loser who couldn't figure this bones shit out. What would I ever contribute? Zilch. And so the decision was made, and I was in full-on planning style.

• In this example, I was dangerously practiced at planning. I had 4-six scenarios all spec'd out, start to end, including collaborators and covers when needed. And that's when I got the phone call.

• [My mom?! That wasn't in the program.]

• I'd forgotten that Firestone Library now had my family home accost on file, as I'd technically taken a year of absence. This meant a note was mailed to my parents, something along the lines of "Good news! The suicide volume you requested is now available at the library for pick up!"

• Oops (and give thanks fucking God).

• Suddenly defenseless on the telephone with my mom, I was unprepared. She nervously asked nearly the book, so I thought fast and lied: "Oh, no need to worry virtually that. Sorry! One of my friends goes to Rutgers and didn't have access to Firestone, and then I reserved it for him. He's writing about low and stuff."

• I was shocked out of my own delusion by a ane-in-a-million accident. It was only then that I realized something: my death wasn't just virtually me. It would completely destroy the lives of those I cared most about. I imagined my mom, who had no office in creating my thesis mess, suffering until her dying day, blaming herself.

• The very next week, I decided to take the rest of my "year off" truly off (to hell with the thesis) and focus on physical and mental health. That'south how the entire "sumo" story of the 1999 Chinese Kickboxing (Sanshou) Championships came to be, if you've read The 4-60 minutes Workweek.

• Months subsequently, after focusing on my trunk instead of being trapped in my head, things were much clearer. Everything seemed more manageable. The "hopeless" state of affairs seemed similar shitty luck just nothing permanent.

• I returned to Princeton, turned in my at present-finished thesis to my yet-sour advisor, got chewed up in my thesis defense, and didn't give a fuck. Information technology wasn't the all-time thesis he'd ever read, nor the best thing I'd ever written, but I had moved on.

• Many thanks are due to a few people who helped me regain my confidence that final semester. None of them have heard this story, but I'd like to give them credit here. Amid others: My parents and family (of grade), Professor Ed Zschau, Professor John McPhee, Sympoh dance troupe, and my friends at the amazing Terrace Food Club.

• I graduated with the class of 2000, and bid good day to Nassau Hall. I rarely get back, equally you might imagine.

Given the purported jump in "suicidal gestures" at Princeton and its close cousins (Harvard appears to have 2x the national boilerplate for undergrad suicides), I hope the administration is taking things seriously.  If most half of your student population reports feeling depressed, there might be systemic issues to fix.

Left unfixed, you'll have more than dead kids on your hands, guaranteed.

It'south non enough to look for people to reach out, or to request that at-risk kids accept a exit of absenteeism "off the clock" of the university.

Possibly regularly reach out to the entire student trunk to catch people before they fall?  It could be every bit simple as email.

[Sidenote: Later on graduating, I promised myself that I would never write anything longer than an e-mail ever again. Pretty hilarious that I now write 500-plus-page books, eh?]

OUT OF THE DARKNESS

"Being securely loved by someone gives you forcefulness, while loving someone deeply gives you courage…"

– Lao Tzu

First, let me give a retrospective assay of my almost obliteration.  Then, I'll give you a bunch of tools and tricks that I however utilize for keeping the darkness at arm'southward length.

At present, at this point, some of you might also be thinking "That'southward information technology?! A Princeton educatee was at chance of getting a bad grade? Boo-fuckin'-hoo, man. Give me a intermission…"

But… that'due south the entire point.  It's easy to accident things out of proportion, to become lost in the story you tell yourself, and to recollect that your entire life hinges on one thing you'll barely remember 5-10 years subsequently. That seemingly all-of import thing could be a bad grade, getting into college, a relationship, a divorce, getting fired, or but a bunch of hecklers on the Internet.

So, back to our story–why didn't I kill myself?

Below are the realizations that helped me (and a few friends).  They certainly won't work for anybody suffering from depression, but my hope is that they help some of you.

1. Phone call this number : 1 (800) 273-8255. I didn't accept it, and I wish I had. It's the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (website and live chat here). It'due south available 24 hours a twenty-four hour period, 7 days a week, in both English and Spanish.

If you're outside of the US, delight click here for a list of international hotlines.

Sometimes, it just takes one conversation with ane rational person to terminate a horrible irrational conclusion. If you're considering catastrophe your life, please achieve out to them.  If you lot're also embarrassed to admit that, as I was, so yous can ping them "just to conversation for a few minutes." Pretend you're killing time or testing different suicide hotlines for a directory you're compiling. Whatever works.

Speaking personally, I want to see the gifts yous have to offer the world. And speaking from personal experience, believe me: this too shall pass, whatever information technology is.

ii. I realized it would destroy other people's lives. Killing yourself can spiritually kill other people.

Even if you're non lucky enough, as I was, to feel loved by other people, I call back this is worth meditating on.

Your death is not perfectly isolated. It tin destroy a lot, whether your family (who will blame themselves), other loved ones, or simply the law enforcement officers or coroners who have to booty your death mask-wearing carcass out of an flat or the forest. The guaranteed outcome of suicide is Non things improving for you (or going bare), but creating a ending for others. Even if your intention is to get revenge through suicide, the harm won't be limited to your targets.

A friend one time told me that killing yourself is like taking your pain, multiplying information technology 10x, and giving it to the ones who love you.  I agree with this, but there'due south more.  Across any loved ones, you could include neighbors, innocent bystanders exposed to your death, and people — frequently kids — who commit "copycat suicides" when they read about your demise. This is the reality, non the cure-all fantasy, of suicide.

If call back about killing yourself, imagine yourself wearing a suicide bomber's vest of explosives and walking into a crowd of innocents.

That's effectively what it is.  Fifty-fifty if yous "feel" like no one loves you or cares about you, you are most likely loved–and most definitely lovable and worthy of love.

3. In that location'due south no guarantee that killing yourself improves things!

In a tragically comic fashion, this was a depressing realization when I was considering blowing my caput off or getting run over.  Damnation!  No guarantees.  Death and taxes, yeah, but not a informal afterlife.

The "afterlife" could be 1,000x worse than life, even at its worst.  No one knows. I personally believe that consciousness persists later on concrete death, and it dawned on me that I literally had zero evidence that my death would ameliorate things. Information technology's a terrible bet. At to the lowest degree here, in this life, we have known variables we can tweak and change. The unknown void could be Dante's Inferno or far worse. When we just "desire the pain to stop," it's piece of cake to forget this. Yous simply don't know what's backside door #3.

In our agony, nosotros often just don't retrieve it through. It'due south kind of like the murder-suicide joke by 1 of my favorite comics, Demetri Martin:

"Someone who commits a murder-suicide is probably somebody who isn't thinking through the afterlife. Bam! Y'all're dead. Bam! I'chiliad expressionless. Oh shit … this is going to be bad-mannered forever."

4. Tips from friends, related to #2 above.

For some of my friends (all high achievers, for those wondering), a "not-suicide vow" is what made all the difference. Here is ane friend'due south description:

"It simply mattered when I made a vow to the one person in my life I knew I would never suspension it to [a sibling]. It'southward powerful when y'all exercise that. All of a sudden, this pick that I sometimes played effectually in my mind, it was off the tabular array. I would never break a vow to my brother, ever. After the vow and him accepting information technology, I've had to approach life in a different way. At that place is no fantasy escape hatch. I'chiliad in information technology. In the finish, making a vow to him is the greatest gift I could have given myself."

As silly as information technology might audio, it's sometimes easier to focus on keeping your word, and avoiding pain someone, than preserving your own life.

And that's OK. Apply what works first, and y'all tin can ready the rest after. If y'all need to disguise a vow out of embarrassment ("How would I confess that to a friend?!"), find a struggling friend to make a mutual "not-suicide vow" with.  Make information technology seem like y'all're but trying to protect him or her. Still besides much? Make information technology a "mutual not-cocky-hurt" vow with a friend who beats themselves upward.

Make it near him or her equally much as you.

If you don't intendance virtually yourself, make it about other people.

Brand a promise you lot can't break, or at the very least realize this: killing yourself will destroy other people's lives.

PRACTICAL GREMLIN DEFENSE

At present, let's talk day-to-day tactics.

The fact of the matter is this: if yous're driven, an entrepreneur, a blazon-A personality, or a hundred other things, mood swings are role of your genetic hardwiring.  It's a approving and a curse.

Beneath are a number of habits and routines that help me. They might seem simplistic, only they keep me from careening too far off the tracks.  They are my defence against the abyss. They might help y'all find your own, or use them as a starting point.

Most of this boxed text is from a previous mail service on "productivity 'hacks' for the neurotic, manic-depressive, and crazy (like me)", only I've added a few things:

Most "superheroes" are nothing of the sort. They're weird, neurotic creatures who do big things DESPITE lots of cocky-defeating habits and self-talk.

Here are some of my coping mechanisms for making it through the 24-hour interval:

i) Wake up at to the lowest degree i hour before you take to be at a computer screen. E-mail is the listen killer.

two) Make a cup of tea (I similar pu-erh like this) and sit down with a pen/pencil and paper.

3) Write downward the three-5 things — and no more — that are making you near anxious or uncomfortable. They're frequently things that have been punted from 1 mean solar day'south to-do list to the next, to the next, to the adjacent, and so on. Most of import usually = nigh uncomfortable, with some take chances of rejection or disharmonize.

iv) For each item, ask yourself:

– "If this were the only thing I achieved today, would I be satisfied with my day?"

– "Will moving this forward make all the other to-practise's unimportant or easier to knock off later?"

five) Expect only at the items you've answered "yes" to for at to the lowest degree 1 of these questions.

six) Cake out at two-3 hours to focus on I of them for today. Permit the residual of the urgent but less important stuff slide. Information technology will nonetheless be there tomorrow.

vii) TO BE CLEAR: Block out at ii-three HOURS to focus on ONE of them for today. This is I Block OF Fourth dimension. Cobbling together x minutes hither and there to add up to 120 minutes does non piece of work.

8) If you get distracted or first procrastinating, don't freak out and downward spiral; just gently come up back to your ONE to-do.

9) Physically Motility for at to the lowest degree 20 minutes each 24-hour interval. Go for a long walk, lift weights, take a free online yoga form (YouTube), anything. Ideally, become outside. I was one time asked by friend for advice on overcoming debilitating stress. The reply I repeated over and over again was: "Remember to Practise daily. That is fourscore% of the battle."

10) Follow a nutrition that prevents wild blood carbohydrate swings. This ways fugitive grains and refined carbohydrates most of the time. I follow the slow-carb diet with 1 cheat day per week and have done and then for 10+ years.  Paleo also works great. Don't forget to eat plenty of fat. Loftier protein and depression fatty tin give you depression-grade symptoms of rabbit starvation.

xi) Schedule at least one group dinner with friends per week.  Get it on the calendar no subsequently than 5pm on Monday.  Ideal to take at least three people, merely two is still peachy medicine.

12) Take a infinitesimal each 24-hour interval to phone call or email someone to express gratitude of some type. Consider someone you lot oasis't spoken with in a long fourth dimension.  It can be a ane-line text or a 5-second voicemail.

Congratulations! That's it.

Those are the rules I apply, and they help steer the ship in the right direction.

Routines are the only way I can feel "successful" despite my never-catastrophe impulse to procrastinate, hit snooze, nap, and otherwise fritter abroad my days with bullshit. If I have x "important" things to do in a day, I'll experience overwhelmed, and it'southward 100% certain nil important will get washed that day. On the other hand, I can ordinarily handle 1 must-do item and block out my bottom behaviors for 2-three hours a day.

And when — despite your best efforts — y'all experience similar you're losing at the game of life, never forget: Even the best of the best feel this manner sometimes. When I'm in the pit of despair with new book projects, I remember what iconic writer Kurt Vonnegut said about his procedure: "When I write, I feel similar an armless, legless homo with a crayon in his mouth."

Don't overestimate the world and underestimate yourself. Y'all are better than you think.

TO WRAP UP THIS LONG-Ass POST

My "perfect storm" was nothing permanent.

If nosotros permit the storms pass and cull to reverberate, we come out ameliorate than e'er. In the stop, regardless of the fucked upward acts of others, we have to reach inside ourselves and grow. Information technology'south our responsibility to ourselves and–just as critical–to those who love and surround us.

Y'all have gifts to share with the earth.

Y'all are not lonely.

You are not flawed.

You are human.

And when the darkness comes, when you are fighting the demons, just remember: I'1000 correct there fighting with you.

The gems I've plant were forged in the struggle. Never always surrender.

Much dear,

Tim

P.S. If yous have tips that have helped you overcome or manage depression, please share in the comments. I would honey for this post to become a growing resources for people. I will likewise practice my best to meliorate it over time. Thank you.

---

Additional Resources:

If you occasionally struggle similar me, these resource, videos, and articles might assistance you lot rebound. I sentry the video of Nick Vujicic quite often, just every bit a reminder of how fortunate I am:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – one (800) 273-8255 (website and live chat here). It's available 24 hours a day, vii days a week, in both English and Spanish. Outside the U.s.a.? Delight click here for a list of international hotlines.

My recent interview with Derek Halpern – The core of the conversation is about how to overcome struggle and the above suicide-related story, simply it as well includes business strategies and other lessons learned.  My apologies for the weird lip smacking, which is a nervous tic. I idea I'd stock-still it, but these stories brought it dorsum 🙂

15-Minute Audio from Tony Robbins – I asked Tony for his thoughts on suicide. He responded with a very insightful sound prune, recorded while in the air. It covers a lot, and the hilarious anecdote about the raw-foodist mom at the end alone makes it worth a listen. Notation: Of class, NEVER stop taking anti-depressants or any medicine without medical supervision. That is not what Tony is recommending.

Listen in the player higher up, or download by right-clicking here and choosing "relieve as."

The Prescription for Cocky-Doubt? Watch This Short Video (Nick Vujicic)

Harnessing Entrepreneurial Manic-Depression: Making the Rollercoaster Work for You

2 Root Causes of My Contempo Depression – This article is past Brad Feld, one of my favorite start-up investors and a world-grade entrepreneur in his own right. It'southward merely more proof that you're not alone. Even the all-time out in that location experience hopeless at times.  Information technology tin can be browbeaten.

Radical Acceptance past Tara Brach.  This book is not almost as woo-woo as it might seem.  Information technology was recommended to me past a neuroscience PhD who said it changed her life, then by another cynical friend who said the same.  It is 1 of the almost useful books I've read in the terminal ii years.  It's easy to assimilate, and I suggest one short affiliate before bed each night.  For those of us who beat ourselves upwardly, it'south a godsend.

The Tim Ferriss Show is one of the virtually pop podcasts in the globe with more than 700 million downloads. Information technology has been selected for "Best of Apple tree Podcasts" three times, information technology is oft the #i interview podcast across all of Apple Podcasts, and it'south been ranked #ane out of 400,000+ podcasts on many occasions. To listen to any of the past episodes for costless, check out this folio.

How To Get Courage To Commit Suicide,

Source: https://tim.blog/2015/05/06/how-to-commit-suicide/comment-page-2/

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